by Socorro Martinez
I just came back from a surprise home visit to one of KKK’s recipient Kyle, a 6yr old boy, suffering from ALL (Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia). He has been under KKK’s care since May 2010 and Kyle’s condition has been spiraling from bad to worse since his relapse a month ago. His caretakers (his grandparents) decided to stop their treatments and have accepted that his chances are very poor, and that he will be dying soon. They would have chosen to have kept fighting, if not for Kyle’s request that he just stay at home because he was already very very “tired”.
Another member of KKK who was supposed to come with us today, at the last minute backed-out because she felt too depressed to make another visit (she had visited Kyle a week before and still has not recovered from seeing Kyle in pain). I and Dr. Ramirez (KKK VP) still decided to go and it was not too hard finding their house in Barrio Obrero. Following the instructions of my friend on how to find Kyle’s house, I walked to a house to ask if they knew exactly where it is. As i entered the pathway to the house, I heard a familiar boy’s voice calling “Dr. Martinez!!! Sya na! Dr. Martinez!”. And I knew it was Kyle.
It was so touching how Kyle was so excited to see me unexpectedly, that he told his aunt he was going to try and walk to greet me (though he has been on his bed/sofa and has not been walking for days). Seeing him, I wanted to cry, but could not. He hugged me and I kissed him. I was armed with prepared toys (belated birthday gifts, as it was his 6th birthday last June 17), but I was not prepared to see Kyle this way. He looked so thin and frail, so pale his skin was almost yellowish. His face is bloated and his whole body is covered by different sizes of hematomas. He no longer had his “energy” but his eyes were so big with excitement.
One by one, I gave him his gifts (some sent by friends) and saved his favorite for last--- a red Hot Wheels car. And his eyes grew even bigger…. “WOW!! A CAR!” …as he smiled. As he played with his new toys, he forgot about his “guests” and I was able to talk to his grandmother, Fema. They still had not heard from Kyle’s mother, who left without a word, with Kyle’s 5-month old baby brother, and has not been heard of since. A few days ago, Kyle was featured in Ratsada (a news show in a local channel) where Kyle told them his last wish before he dies was to see his baby brother, Ton. He also said that he did not want to see his mother. Fema cries silently as she tells me how extremely difficult it is to accept that there is nothing else she can do to prevent Kyle from dying. She wants to protect Kyle from the physical pain of cancer and the emotional pain of being abandoned, first by his father when he was 2 years old, then recently by his mother. But there is nothing else she can do but pray to God for mercy.
Do kids understand the concept of death? Does Kyle understand? What he understands is the “present”, and his “present” is definitely full of physical pain. I hear him moaning, with eyes closed, he clasps his head. No one can do much, as his aunt holds his head tenderly and his cousin rubs his feet. Despite the oppressive heat in the room, Kyle wants them to shut off the electric fan, as even the touch of the air from the fan is painful on his skin. What is worse-- watching a child die or watching a child in pain and you can't do anything about it??
I speak to Kyle. I don’t say what was in my mind “Goodbye Kyle. I have to leave now, because I feel so bad seeing you this way.”. What comes out of my mouth is “I’m leaving now Kyle. Would you like to take a ride in my car? Sama ka?”... He does not even open his eyes, but with much effort, he smiles and nods his head repeatedly.
For about 30 minutes,we made him forget his pain and for a while, we glimpsed the Kyle that I will always remember. I kept thinking about the time when he told me that his ambition is to become a taxi driver. And when we made him sit on the lap of Dr. Ramirez and let him hold the wheel by himself while the car was slowly moving, we seemed to have made his ambition of driving a car come true. Remembering a 6- year old boy’s simple desire and letting him experience it during the most difficult ordeal one has to face in his short life, is an unforgettable experience for me. I do not know if that would be the last time I would see Kyle. But no one, except God, knows for sure.
As we said goodbye, Fema, the grandmother was again crying and could only say, “Thank you. Salamat.”. I went home with my heart filled with sadness, but still with awe in the simplicity of a child’s happiness. I went home with lessons learned from an unexpected teacher, Kyle.
Kyle during the Bed Push, Feb 5, 2011
Another member of KKK who was supposed to come with us today, at the last minute backed-out because she felt too depressed to make another visit (she had visited Kyle a week before and still has not recovered from seeing Kyle in pain). I and Dr. Ramirez (KKK VP) still decided to go and it was not too hard finding their house in Barrio Obrero. Following the instructions of my friend on how to find Kyle’s house, I walked to a house to ask if they knew exactly where it is. As i entered the pathway to the house, I heard a familiar boy’s voice calling “Dr. Martinez!!! Sya na! Dr. Martinez!”. And I knew it was Kyle.
It was so touching how Kyle was so excited to see me unexpectedly, that he told his aunt he was going to try and walk to greet me (though he has been on his bed/sofa and has not been walking for days). Seeing him, I wanted to cry, but could not. He hugged me and I kissed him. I was armed with prepared toys (belated birthday gifts, as it was his 6th birthday last June 17), but I was not prepared to see Kyle this way. He looked so thin and frail, so pale his skin was almost yellowish. His face is bloated and his whole body is covered by different sizes of hematomas. He no longer had his “energy” but his eyes were so big with excitement.
One by one, I gave him his gifts (some sent by friends) and saved his favorite for last--- a red Hot Wheels car. And his eyes grew even bigger…. “WOW!! A CAR!” …as he smiled. As he played with his new toys, he forgot about his “guests” and I was able to talk to his grandmother, Fema. They still had not heard from Kyle’s mother, who left without a word, with Kyle’s 5-month old baby brother, and has not been heard of since. A few days ago, Kyle was featured in Ratsada (a news show in a local channel) where Kyle told them his last wish before he dies was to see his baby brother, Ton. He also said that he did not want to see his mother. Fema cries silently as she tells me how extremely difficult it is to accept that there is nothing else she can do to prevent Kyle from dying. She wants to protect Kyle from the physical pain of cancer and the emotional pain of being abandoned, first by his father when he was 2 years old, then recently by his mother. But there is nothing else she can do but pray to God for mercy.
Do kids understand the concept of death? Does Kyle understand? What he understands is the “present”, and his “present” is definitely full of physical pain. I hear him moaning, with eyes closed, he clasps his head. No one can do much, as his aunt holds his head tenderly and his cousin rubs his feet. Despite the oppressive heat in the room, Kyle wants them to shut off the electric fan, as even the touch of the air from the fan is painful on his skin. What is worse-- watching a child die or watching a child in pain and you can't do anything about it??
I speak to Kyle. I don’t say what was in my mind “Goodbye Kyle. I have to leave now, because I feel so bad seeing you this way.”. What comes out of my mouth is “I’m leaving now Kyle. Would you like to take a ride in my car? Sama ka?”... He does not even open his eyes, but with much effort, he smiles and nods his head repeatedly.
For about 30 minutes,we made him forget his pain and for a while, we glimpsed the Kyle that I will always remember. I kept thinking about the time when he told me that his ambition is to become a taxi driver. And when we made him sit on the lap of Dr. Ramirez and let him hold the wheel by himself while the car was slowly moving, we seemed to have made his ambition of driving a car come true. Remembering a 6- year old boy’s simple desire and letting him experience it during the most difficult ordeal one has to face in his short life, is an unforgettable experience for me. I do not know if that would be the last time I would see Kyle. But no one, except God, knows for sure.
As we said goodbye, Fema, the grandmother was again crying and could only say, “Thank you. Salamat.”. I went home with my heart filled with sadness, but still with awe in the simplicity of a child’s happiness. I went home with lessons learned from an unexpected teacher, Kyle.
Kyle during the Bed Push, Feb 5, 2011
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